‘Irrational’ fears

What are they?  Where do they come from?  Is there anything we can do about them?

This blog has come about because of Dax, one of the horses who lives with us.  I’d noticed that he wasn’t himself during this last week, not rushing in for his food as he normally does and seeming to be distracted by something in the distance.

He was still eating and seemed to be well in himself, but something was obviously bothering him.  At first, I couldn’t work out what it was.  I couldn’t see or hear anything myself, so I couldn’t understand what was holding his attention to such a degree.  Then yesterday morning I followed his gaze and saw that there are some new neighbours in a nearby field.  The farmer has put some cattle in a field that joins onto one of ours.  The cows have a large area in which to wander so they are not always visible from our land, but Dax was clearly acutely aware of their presence.  His owner had told me that he isn’t comfortable around cows and now I was seeing just what effect they have on him.

This got me thinking about fears, specifically the ones that seem to trigger us into ‘excessive’ behaviours.  These could be severe, ‘phobia’ type responses, or simply going out of our way to avoid whatever is unsettling us.  Common triggers can be spiders, heights or enclosed spaces and these can be easy for others to understand, however sometimes the cause of our fears can be simple everyday objects such as buttons, beards or cats.

So where do these fears come from, and why do they affect our behaviour in ways that sometimes seem to be out of our control?

I believe that these fears have come from some form of ‘trauma’.  This can be ‘Big T’, or ‘little t’ trauma, and will be very subjective, but it will have been sufficient to have appeared to cause some form of threat to the person’s safety.  Remember, though, that many of our ‘irrational’ fears have been held for a long time and are very deep seated.  We might even feel that they’ve always been there.  This probably means that they were created when we were very young, further back than our conscious memory.  The perceived threat would therefore have to be understood from the viewpoint of that younger self.  Rationally, it might be hard to understand why someone is scared of spiders as an adult – after all they’re so much smaller than we are and, in the UK at least, they’re unlikely to cause us serious harm – however, from a child’s perspective they could look quite scary.

We can also inherit fears from others; for example a parent who hates spiders, or who has experienced a dog attack, might pass on their fears to their children.

Another important point to be aware of is that when we experience a trauma, our brain takes a snapshot of the moment, in an attempt to avoid any similar situations in the future.  The downside of this is that the snapshot captures all the details of that instant, even the ones that weren’t part of the trauma.  This is why we can develop phobias about innocent objects such as buttons, and why animals can react to very specific things such as people wearing a red coat.

Triggers can bring on huge anxiety, resulting in ‘fight or flight’ type responses, ie adrenaline, fast heart rate, sweating palms, dry mouth, shaking, a need to run away or even burst into tears.  Rational thought can be lost and our ‘survival instinct’ takes over.  When someone is in this state it can be difficult, or even impossible, for them to ‘snap out of it’ or ‘get a grip’ on their feelings.  If you find yourself in this situation – or you’re supporting someone who is feeling this way – find a way to help yourself (or them) to feel safe again.  This might mean moving away from the situation, if possible.  Take some slow, deep breaths, and focus on feeling the air going in and out, perhaps counting along with each breath, for example: breathe in 1-2-3-4, breathe out 1-2-3-4.  Bring your awareness back into your body – you can try focusing on your feet, becoming aware of them on the floor; or of your body sitting in the chair; or of the feel of your clothes against your skin.  This will also help to bring you into the present moment and away from any racing, fearful thoughts and images in your head.

This practice can help you in the moment.  If you would also like to explore more long-term ways to support yourself you could try:

  • mindfulness and meditation – these allow you to explore your feelings and to regularly practice relaxation so that it becomes a part of your muscle memory and is therefore easier to recreate, even in moments of stress
  • journaling – this is a great way of exploring feelings and the thoughts that underlie them. It often brings deeper understanding which is a great way of developing self-compassion and insight into our deeper needs and how to provide for these
  • EFT (emotional freedom techniques or ‘tapping) – this is a very effective way of releasing traumas and deep-seated fears that are no longer serving us. EFT is easy to learn, in order to practice on yourself and is something that you can use any time, anywhere.  It’s good to start off working with a practitioner until you are familiar with the technique, and for some issues it can be best to work with someone subjective and experienced.
  • Reiki – again this is something that you can learn to practice on yourself, or you can book a session with a practitioner. It helps to rebalance your energy, grounding you and enabling you to release long-held tensions.
  • Hypnotherapy – another great therapeutic tool for helping us to deal with issues that can be buried deep in our subconscious.
  • Trauma release exercises (TRE) – when we hold a trauma over a long period of time it actually becomes ingrained into our muscle memory. One of the main muscles for holding emotional memories is the psoas, however it is deep within our body and often cannot be released with simple massage.  These exercises allow the psoas, and other muscles, to let go of tension which in turn helps us to release trauma.

If you would like to know more on any of the above, please contact me.  I offer sessions which draw on some of these techniques and can refer you to some wonderful colleagues for the areas that I don’t cover myself.

As a first step, you might like to take a look at this article on Mindfulness.

I’d love to hear from you.  Please post any comments or questions below.

 

 

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A Perfect Storm

perfect storm is an event in which a rare combination of circumstances drastically aggravates the event. The term is used by analogy to an unusually severe storm that results from a rare combination of meteorological phenomena. (Wikipedia)

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where one thing after another seems to be going against you?  It can really zap your energy and optimism!

Recently it’s felt a bit like that here.  When we moved to this beautiful part of the world, we knew that there would be some work to do on the outbuildings, and managing the land, but we thought that the house was sound and all we needed to do was move in and we could do any necessary repairs, etc, at our own pace.

However, this has turned out not to be the case.  Of course, this summer was one of the driest on record – even here in Wales.  But the day we moved we had storm Callum, and then in this last week we had storm Diana.  All that wind and rain tested the solidity of the buildings and revealed leaks that weren’t apparent on our earlier visits.  We’ve found that water is coming in, in several places – through roof, doors and walls.  All of this of course means extra expense, which is scary when you’ve just moved house!  There are also leaks in several outbuildings, and the roof on the cabin was threatening to lift off.  We lost a panel off the side of one of the storage buildings and several items were blown into the stream.

The winds also turned poo picking into quite an adventure!  One afternoon I lost my hat, barrow, rake and poo skip – all blown away from me.  The horses were rather spooked by the waving branches and the sound of the wind in the trees and hedges.  Dax quickly settled once he got some hay, but Rika was more uncertain.  She seemed to gain confidence, though, when I stood next to her and reassured her.  She pushed in a couple of times for a scratch and it was lovely to think that my presence put her more at ease.  Thankfully both have still been keeping warm, despite the weather.

Added to this is the fact that we still haven’t been connected to the internet and phone.  TV is also part of the package that we’ve ordered, so we don’t have that either.  This has been a big challenge in many ways and my husband is finding it particularly frustrating.  I was managing reasonably well, using WiFi in a local café as and when I could, but when hubby was away with work for the night of the storm, the sense of isolation from a lack of contact with the outside world, hubby’s frustrations and the fact that he is very unhappy that we’ve moved here, concerns about the effect of the weather on the horses and financial worries, all piled up, and I suddenly felt hopeless and just wanted to rage at the world!

This made me think about what I could do to support myself, when I felt I had run out of energy and resilience.  These were my tips to myself:

  1. Remember to breathe! A simple thing, and it might seem small and insignificant in the face of the storm, but it helps you to be more grounded, to find balance and perspective when the storm is threatening to blow you away.  Also it can be heartening to know that you are still holding on.  When you look back and see what you’ve managed to come through, it can build your confidence and awareness of your inner strength.
  2. Take one step at a time. When you’re in a ‘perfect storm’, everything seems overwhelming.  Each issue appears to be too huge to manage.  We can feel lost and uncertain of where we’re going or what the future might hold.  But keeping moving, even at the slowest pace, means that we’re taking action rather than getting stuck.  And again, we can discover an inner strength and resources we were unaware of, which is a great boost to our confidence and esteem, and contrasts against the things that seem to be knocking us down.
  3. Don’t make any big decisions. When you’re struggling, feeling lost and out of your depth, it’s not a good place from which to make important decisions.  If others are pressing you for an answer, it’s ok to say that you need some time.  You need to be able to restore your sense of balance, perspective and hope, reconnecting again with your inner sense of who you are and what matters to you – your inner compass – before you can hope to make a choice that will serve you.
  4. Spend time with those who lift you up. When you’re struggling to find anything positive or hopeful inside of yourself it can be good to spend time in the company of people, music or books that soothe and encourage us.  I’m very fortunate to have some wonderful friends to call on.  I rang one the night that my ‘perfect storm’ hit, and she immediately suggested getting together.  We’ve arranged to meet up tomorrow and having this to look forward to, I suddenly felt a little better, almost as if I was drowning and had found a rock to rest on allowing me to catch my breath and have the space to regather myself.  It’s said that we become like the 5 people we spend most of our time with, so pay attention to the people – and the energy – that you hang out with.  Are they uplifting?  Encouraging?  Supportive?  Reassuring? Optimistic?  Do they build you up?  Encourage you?  Believe in you?  Reignite your passion?
  5. Take time to rest and reflect, and be gentle with yourself. When everything seems to be yelling for your attention, it’s important to take some time out for yourself. Peace and quiet are invaluable for helping us to recharge and think about where we would like to be once the storm has passed.  For me I noticed that getting outside into the woods, or into the fields with the horses, helped me to put some distance between myself and most of the things that were stressing me.  It helped to restore my balance and sense of positivity.
    Also, don’t be too hard on yourself for being in this situation.  Life can throw us curve-balls.  Finding yourself in the middle of an emotional storm is not a poor reflection on who you are.  It’s our responses to our situation that show our true character.
  6. Take good care of yourself. In the midst of the storm, everything seems to be demanding your time and attention, leaving no time for yourself.  But this can lead to draining your batteries, leaving you exhausted and even ill.  At times like this it’s important to eat healthily – including lots of fresh, preferably organic, produce, including fruit and veg of a wide variety of colours to boost your vitamin and mineral intake – and to get as much sleep as you can.
  7. Hang in there and remember that even the worst storm passes. Suddenly something will shift, or it can be a slow and gradual change that you don’t even notice at first, but then, one morning, you look up and there’s a glimpse of sunshine poking through the dark clouds.  For me, I arrived home yesterday to find a strange car in the driveway.  When I went into the house, I found hubby talking to a lovely bloke who turned out to be, in my husband’s description, “a jack of all trades, and master of all of them”!  In short, it appears that we might have found the guy to help us put our place in shape and get us through the winter intact.  Of course, it’s going to cost money, but those financial concerns seemed to fade into the background when presented with this solution to our other worries.  Also, the fact that hubby was now in a much better mood lifted my spirits immensely!

So, what about you?  What are your tips for dealing with a ‘perfect storm’?  I’d love to hear from you.  Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

If you ever feel like the ‘perfect storm’ is building, and you need a break away to think, take stock and recover your balance, you are very welcome to book a session here at Equenergy.  I offer Reiki, Emotional Freedom Techniques (‘tapping’), mindfulness through reconnection with Nature, and workshops on rediscovering that sense of ‘Flow’ in your life.  Please contact me for further information:

Or you can see more on my website:

 

 

Giving our horses the time they need

Friday 2 November

Often, I think, our horses need us to give them more time and space than we realise.

An example of this came up just this morning.  I was poo picking in the fields and I noticed that Rika was yawning.  She seems to have been finding the transition to Wales more challenging than Dax; but then more of this has been new to her than to him, since she has also left her people, as well as her herd and her place.  I hoped that the yawns might mean she was releasing and starting to relax a little more into her new home.

I’d been spending some time scratching Dax and Rika had approached us, so I thought I would offer her some scratches too.  At first she seemed uncertain, so I stepped back to get a clearer idea of what she was trying to tell me.  I sensed that she was just a little unsure but still open, so I gently took a step forward again.  She accepted this so I continued with scratches and a bit of massage.  I heard some long, loud gut sounds and it seemed that she was relaxing a little into my touch.  I decided to offer some rebalancing of her energies along her bladder meridian.  As soon as I started her eyes began to blink, long and slow and I could see that she was working through some stuff.  I only got about half way along her neck when she walked away, putting some distance between us.  She didn’t stop until she had crossed the gateway into the next field.  She stood there for some time, just processing whatever had come up for her.

Part of me would have liked to continue encouraging her to release, and trying to build a bond with her, but I think that to have done so would actually have pushed her further away and perhaps have caused her to shut me out.  I knew that my desire to carry on in that moment was coming more from my need than from ‘Rika’s – my need to connect with her and for her to be happy here.  A part of me wanted this to happen straight away, rather than allowing ‘Rika to find this balance in her own time.  I had to remind myself that horses, like humans, need time to adjust to change.  Everything here is new to her – the place, the people, the food, the grass, the ‘herd’ – so it’s a lot to take in.  Horses can take up to a year, or even more, to fully settle into a new environment and to really feel comfortable enough to ‘be themselves’.  ‘Rika has only been here 3 weeks so I need to be patient and proceed at her pace.

In our human world we are so conditioned to expecting instant results.  So many things are at the touch of our fingertips: news, information, entertainment, even food.  I’ve been made very aware of our dependence on this due to our lack of internet access following our move, and the remoteness of our new location, which is taking us back to slower ways of being.

Horses live to a different timescale from ours.  They tend to be thoughtful beings, weighing things up and exploring them from all angles before deciding what action to take (except of course in the case of instinctive responses to potential threats).  Because of this, they are generally better at being in the present moment – with more of an awareness of the wholeness of their being – and they are less ‘in their heads’ than we tend to be.  We often want them to respond within our timescales, and with the exact movement, or whatever, that we’re asking for.  If this doesn’t happen, we ask again and again until it does, often increasing the volume or adding more energy.  How must this appear to these gentle, slower-paced animals…?  In fact, when we work with horses, it’s often a case of ‘less is more’ – the quieter and more subtle our signals, the more responsive the horse becomes.

There is much that we can learn from horses in this.  Spending time with them and sharing their energy can help us to take on that slower pace, allowing us to let go of the stresses and pressures of our everyday lives in order to find greater grounding and balance.  This has huge benefits for our wellbeing.

 

 

Saturday 3 November

This morning I went up to give the horses their hay as usual.  Dax is always the first to push in for a mouthful, whereas ‘Rika hangs back, knowing that he will move her away if she comes too close.  I dropped a few leaves from the bale in one of the feeding spots then, while Dax tucked in, I called ‘Rika to follow me to where I would place some more hay.  I left her happily munching while I put out the rest of the hay, then came back to check in with each of them, as I do every morning.  ‘Rika was nearest, so I approached her first.  Normally she adopts a very defensive stance when I come up to her when she’s eating.  On previous days she would tense, become very watchful, put her ears back and sometimes block me with her hindquarters, but today there was none of this.  Her ears stayed forward, or tuned in to me, she appeared relaxed and she even turned to say hello.  Shortly after this she approached me and accepted some gentle stroking.  This is a big change in her behaviour.  Nothing earth-shattering maybe, but she definitely appears to be a more settled and engaged horse this morning.  I believe that listening to her request for space yesterday, and allowing her to take the time she needed, has helped to build more trust and respect between us.  She is such a big-hearted girl and beautiful soul and hopefully she will find contentment here in this wonderful place with us.

 

Alice Griffin, writing in a recent edition of Horsemanship Magazine (Issue 109), about her time on a horseback tour of the Alentejo region of Portugal, says:

“In this increasingly busy world there are few places that offer a true sense of peace; where roads are empty, passersby rare and where we can truly find a way to switch off and be submerged in nature.”

She noticed that the Alentejan people are

“… often teased for their lackadaisical approach to life, but I can’t help thinking they are all the smarter for refusing to get rushed along by expectation, instead choosing to soak up every moment with deepened relish”

I too, think there is something very special about being able to slow down and reconnect – both with ourselves, and with the animals and nature all around us – and to be able to appreciate the richness and wonder of it all.

Alice goes on to say that:

“Somehow animals – unlike humans – have not lost their ability to be at one with the earth, remaining unchanged in their effortless navigation of rivers, rocks, hills and valleys despite the centuries that may have passed.”

If Portugal isn’t for you at this time, you can still experience a little of this magic of Nature and horses for yourself here in the UK.  I offer mindfulness and wellbeing sessions here at our wonderful retreat space in rural Wales, not far from Abergavenny, Wales (map) Just get in touch to find out more:

Or take a look at my website: www.equenergy.com

   

Lessons from the mist and a formal introduction

Well, we’ve been in our new home for 3 weeks now!  In some way the time has flown by and it feels like we’ve been here for much longer, and in other ways it still feels very new.

The time has flown by in a blur and at times it has felt very overwhelming.  It’s a huge change living here, compared to our old life in the suburbs of Bristol.  Suddenly having 8.5 acres of paddocks, woodland and vegetable and fruit areas feels rather out of our comfort zone!

  • How on earth do you care for all these magnificent trees and hedges?
  • How do you support Nature to do her thing while still keeping the land manageable?
  • What’s the best way to care for our little orchard?
  • What veg should we grow here – and where do we even start with that?!

As you’ll know, if you’ve been following my blog, we’ve been without WiFi since we moved in.  On one level this is quite nice, as it allows us time to focus on other things – wow, I can now see how social media has eaten my time in the past! – but it has also meant that we don’t have a working landline in the house, our mobile connection is patchy, we have no access to emails or looking things up on the internet – and we have no TV.  (Lots of DVD watching and actually having to have conversations!)

All this has left us feeling rather out of our depth.  At times I’ve felt like I’m lost and can’t see my way…

One morning I was pushing a barrow full of hay up to the field for the horses.  Dawn was just breaking and there was a mist hanging over the fields.  I could only see clearly for a few steps ahead of me.  But as I walked I realised that, as I moved forwards the path ahead of me was revealed, step by step.  I couldn’t see any further ahead than a few metres, but the fact of moving forward was meaning that those few metres were also shifting with me, allowing me to see my next few steps.  This felt a bit like my life at the moment.  It made me think that if I could just ‘go with it’, and trust the process, choosing to be content with only seeing the next few steps and not stressing about being unable to see the whole of the path, then I would feel more at ease and less out of control.

This, and spending time with the horses surrounded by the beautiful fields and woodland here, has helped me to be more grounded and to feel more balanced and settled in this new life.  I’m more able to look ahead to how I might be able to develop my practice by drawing on all the wonderful resources of this place.

In this week’s post I also wanted to introduce you to our newest addition to the family.  Her formal name is Ulrike, and previously she was known as Eureka, but we’ve shortened her name to ‘Rika.  As you might remember, I believe that names can be significant and I love the meanings that this beautiful girl’s name holds:

Ulrike – a German name meaning Mistress of All

Rika – a Norse name meaning Forever Strong

Rikka – a Teutonic name meaning Tranquil Leader

I had been hoping that this mare would be a leader for our ‘teenager’ gelding.  That hasn’t quite worked out as planned as he tends to be the one who bosses her around, but I think that her steadfast, gentle presence will still be a wonderful asset.

Next week I’ll share a little more about how things are going with her but for now I need to sign off as I need to get home before dark to feed these two!

 

 

Lessons from Dax

If you’ve been following my blog over the last few weeks and months, you might be wondering about how things are now with me and the amazing horse that I took on in May.  We’ve had our challenges and our ups and downs, so what has worked for us, and what hasn’t…?

Well, I can tell you that Dax is a different guy to how he was just a month or so ago.  He has really softened and relaxed which is wonderful to see.  He’s choosing to come with me when I ask him to – sometimes he needs to think about this for a second, but that’s fine by me.  I want him to engage his brain and to think about things, even if that means that it takes a little bit longer while he considers his options.

He’s recently had lots going on in his life – the dentist, the trimmer, a worming treatment and 3 of his buddies moving to another yard.  The trimmer (Caroline Andresen of Hoofing Marvellous) has been a few times now and he soon learnt that he can trust her to take good care of him and to make sure that he feels safe and comfortable at all times.

His dental appointment was the first since he had come to Bristol, so it was a new dentist and a different experience for Dax, but he was amazing.  I was so proud of him!

The loss of his 3 buddies hit him the hardest.  His special friend Belle was one of the 3 and he called for her for a day or so, obviously missing her and wondering where she’s gone and whether or not she would come back.

But Dax is a resilient fellow and he settled again, just in time for a new arrival.  We now have a young filly – a 2 year old Exmoor pony – on the yard.  She’s the cutest little thing and so independent!  She’s well able to take care of herself despite her size.  Dax has been a complete star too, and has been looking after her, which completely made my heart melt!

Looking back over all that’s been happening I’ve realised that I’ve learnt so much about myself since Dax arrived.  My relationship with him has been like a metaphor for my life…  It struck me the other day that the more I ‘resisted’ the challenging behaviours that Dax was showing, the more fear I felt, and the more fear, the more I resisted.  It became a negative cycle that wasn’t helping either of us.

The change has seemed to come in steps.  For example, one day I got the sense that Dax saw my attempts to be more assertive, and defend my space, as a game.  He wasn’t being nasty, he just wanted to play, but his play was scary to me – and because of his size, mass and strength, it could actually be potentially dangerous.  The important thing was that this realisation wiped out most of my fear and gave me a very different perspective.  I began to be able to respond with humour – or at least to be able to laugh at myself, and sometimes with Dax, rather than getting scared and anxious and only adding to the tension.

In the last week Dax has started to use his lips to nuzzle, rather than going straight in with his teeth.  I felt that he wanted to offer some mutual grooming – he loves a good scratch (as you can see in the video above) and I felt that he wanted to connect by offering something in return – however I was too nervous of those big teeth of his to let him try.He might always be a horse who likes to explore things with his mouth, and he might never be good with hand-held treats (he gets over excited and can become nippy and pushy) but he his now starting to offer a more gentle connection and engagement which is really helping me to relax more around him.  This in turn helps me to breathe more easily, rewarding him with softness and calmness and encouraging him to respond in the same way – a much more positive cycle.

Dax has taught me that I should have trusted my gut from the beginning and just listened to him and to my own sense of what was right for me.  This relationship is between the 2 of us.  Another horse, or another person, would bring a different response and what has worked for us might not work with that combination.

I would just like to encourage everyone reading this to really listen to your own inner wisdom.  Do what feels best to you, in your situation, with your set of circumstances.

If you’re struggling to do this, don’t worry.  It’s very easy to get out of touch with our own intuition and inner guidance, but there are simple steps you can take to reconnect:

  • One very powerful tool is mindfulness – taking some time every day to be fully present with whatever you’re doing.  You can practise this while doing simple daily tasks such as cooking, eating or brushing your teeth.  You can also take a familiar object and explore it with new eyes – and indeed all your senses.  Try to avoid any labels or judgements and just focus on what you can see, feel, smell, hear and even taste.
  • Another way to reconnect with your inner wisdom is by journaling.  This was something I thought I’d never be able to do but I surprised myself by how easily the words flowed when I made a start!  It gave me so much insight into my thought processes and the feelings behind them.  It also helped me to observe patterns in my behaviour and to see where these were supporting me – or not!

If you feel that you would like some support in reconnecting to your inner self, I offer workshops on how to Feel Your Way from Stress into Flow.  I will also be offering Mindfulness sessions at our new premises in Wales where you can spend time tuning in to the peacefulness of the surrounding woodland and / or sit with the horses.  If you’d like to know more, please contact me:

www.equenergy.com 

robyn@equenergy.com 

07980 669303

We have a moving date – and a new addition to the family

So, it’s official, we have exchanged contracts and the removal vans are booked for 2 weeks’ time!  It has felt like a long wait and I can hardly believe that we’ll soon be in our new home.

It’s been a very busy time with sorting, packing, recycling and getting rid of years’ worth of stuff.  This is a wonderful fresh start for us!  I feel lighter and energised – and just the right thrill of ‘scary’ to make it all exciting.  But the wait has been a challenge – trying to stay positive, to not get stressed, and to know how much to pack when we didn’t have a definite move date.

There have been some legal issues to sort out and at times we wondered if it would all fall apart and we’d lose the house.  We reached a low point last week as yet another proposed exchange date went by, and we lost our slot with the removal company.  I went to the yard and sat with the horses and started to visualise the steps towards successfully getting through this whole process.  I even put together a text to my husband:

That was the start of a shift for me.  I believe that if we focus on something, by The Law of Attraction we will get more of that thing.  This works both for the things we want, but also the things that we don’t want – it’s all about the flow of energy.  Where attention goes, energy flows.  So if I’m spending all my time thinking about something I don’t want, I’m feeding that energy and attracting more of it to me.  I realised that I’ve been doing this with our move – worrying that it will never happen, getting upset about the missed deadlines, grumbling about the lack of communication from our solicitor.  So instead I started to focus on how wonderful it will feel to hear that we’ve exchanged, to receive the keys on completion and to actually be moving into our new home.  I made the image as colourful as I could and included as many senses and emotions as possible:

  • the elation of receiving good news
  • the fizz of excitement
  • the flurry of packing
  • the decisions of unpacking
  • the rooms taking shape with our furnishings.

Doing this makes it all the more ‘real’ and encourages the Universe to come into line with the images and to make them happen.

This move means that Dax will be able to live with us, rather that at livery.  Because of this, we’ve been on the hunt for a companion for him.  Being a herd animal, horses need company, preferably of their own kind.  I wanted a mare this time, as Dax gets on well with girls.  Mares often make good herd leaders too, and I feel that Dax could do with a horse who will look after him and perhaps help him to learn more about boundaries.

One of the lovely women on our yard, Liz, has very kindly offered us a horse that we hope will be a good fit.  Ulrike (known as Eureka) was a brood mare and had a series of 7 foals.  She then was put to the stallion again but didn’t conceive, so her owners decided that she was no longer of use to them and they were going to give her up for meat.  At this point she was rescued by Liz’s daughter and has been living happily as part of their herd for a few years now.  Their herd has grown in size and due to time commitments Eureka hasn’t been getting the attention that they would like to give her, which is why she is now coming to live with us and Dax.  She is such a gentle and giving soul that we’ve fallen in love with her!

So we’re now the proud owners of a house in the country surrounded by 8.5 acres.  This is quite a lifestyle change for us as we will need to manage the land and care for the horses.  In fact we’re off there shortly to learn all about how to drive the tractor and work all the attachments.  My husband is so excited – he’s even got his John Deere cap ready for the occasion!

When plans change…

How are you at coping with change?  If you’re like me, change is fine in theory – it can mean something new and exciting, right? – but in practice it always seems to come when I’m not ready!  I’m kinda like: ‘I’m happy to be spontaneous, as long as you give me some advance warning…’

So, up until yesterday, we’d been thinking that we might be moving to our new home next Friday… but there have been some issues with the sale and it’s been delayed.  Also our removal firm no longer has any availability on that date.  As a result we have a new proposed moving date of 5 October.

When I heard that we couldn’t move yet I was so disappointed!  Gutted even…  It felt like a punch in the gut that left me winded.  I had got so attached to sticking to all our dates and to being in our new house by the beginning of October.  Now I would have to tell everyone that our date had changed!  This would impact on Dax’s accommodation as I’d given notice to move out at the end of this month, and would have implications for work bookings too.  All I could see were the negatives and the upset it brought to my plans…

But I soon realised that this was not going to help the situation.  No amount of stamping my feet and tantrum throwing (metaphorically speaking!) was going to bring us back to our original move date.

From my practice, I also know that clinging to my upset, rather than processing it and letting it go, could potentially make me ill.  From my META-Health work I know that my perception of this situation, if it remains unprocessed and held in my body, will push my body into stress, where it will make adaptations that could later result in dis-ease.  (And looking at my vocabulary around the situation – ‘gutted’, ‘punched in the gut’ – I didn’t much fancy what the consequences would be…)

So I set about making a shift in my perception.  I started looking for some positives in the situation, rather than all the negatives – the silver lining within the cloud.

I’m a firm believer in the benefits of a practice of gratitude and I know that I have so much to be thankful for in this process.  Counting my blessings, rather than being grumpy about everything that was going ‘wrong’, really helped me to feel better.  I’ve also noticed that, many times in the past, when things have gone ‘pear shaped’ and totally off plan, it has opened up amazing new opportunities that I might never otherwise have had.

So, thanks to this change of plan:

  • we now have more time to pack
  • we have a bit more breathing space
  • we’re less rushed (so hopefully we’ll be able to dot all the ‘i’s and cross all the ‘t’s, with nothing missed)
  • we have more time to say goodbye to everyone
  • we’ve been blessed with lots of support from wonderful friends and family.

I appreciate that writing about this process can make it seem overly simple – but then, it is simple, it’s just not always easy.  It can be a real challenge to let go of things that we might have hoped for and dreamed of for a long time, or that hold great significance and importance for us.  When we get a bit stuck we can sometimes benefit from a helping hand, or a tool, to get us moving forward again.  The practice of gratitude is a great first step and I often recommend keeping a gratitude diary and writing in it daily.  Another technique that I personally find very helpful, and regularly use with myself and clients, is EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) or ‘tapping’.  It’s really a matter of finding the things that work for you.

If you’d like to have a chat about any of the points I’ve made here, please get in touch:

robyn@equenergy.com

www.equenergy.com

07980 669303