This has not been an easy post for me to write and in fact I’ve been skirting around it for a while, feeling that it is an important thing to share, but not quite getting round to doing so. Partly this has been because I’ve been struggling with the issue and the lessons it has had to teach me and I hadn’t fully taken these on board. Also, to be honest, I’ve been wondering how it will look for me, a wellbeing therapist, to share this… It’s actually still a work in progress, but I feel that I have taken some steps and a shift is happening, and writing this is part of that journey…
So what am I talking about? Well, as you might know, I am currently making the shift from my first career as a sign language interpreter, into creating a business around my passion for horses and for supporting their wellbeing, and the wellbeing of their owners / carers through nutrition, connection and energetic balance. In going through this process however, I have allowed myself to get out of balance, to the point where I became unwell. This has been a wake-up call for me. I realised that my body had been sending me messages for some time, telling me that I needed to slow down, but I had chosen to ignore these and instead listen to the conditioning of our society which says that you should ‘push on through’: “work harder; be productive; failure is not an option; success requires struggle; work hard now and reap the rewards later”. Is any of this sounding familiar?
The problem was that by ignoring my body’s gentle requests for rest, it decided that it needed to shout louder in order to be heard and in the end I succumbed to one of the winter bugs that is doing the rounds and ended up losing my voice and feeling rather sorry for myself. My body had taken control and demanded that I take a break!
Looking at it from another perspective, it also gave me the opportunity for reflection and re-evaluation… What do I really want in my life? What are my priorities? How can I support other people to find wellness if I neglect my own?
I had also noticed that my little 4-legged mirror / teacher, Kali Cat, was reacting to my situation. She was reflecting my restlessness and unsettled feelings and would regularly show her displeasure when I spent long periods of time working on the computer – she howls and demands that I take some time out to just sit with her, being present and reconnecting.
I feel I am being challenged to focus more on Being than on doing. As a detail-oriented perfectionist this does not come easy to me! However I realise that balance is critical. For me, that means being able to be open and honest with myself about what I can achieve and where my priorities lie, rather than looking for external approval and trying to be all things to all people. I want to be free to speak and live from my heart in order to be able to listen and understand others and where they are on their journey. This experience has also brought home to me that if I am running on an empty tank, I cannot possibly have anything to give to anyone else. I have a whole new understanding of the importance of supporting and nourishing myself before I can offer this to others.
Recently I have been listening to some audio-books and recordings of Jerry and Esther Hicks on the teachings of ‘Abraham’ (for example: The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent: Living the Art of Allowing – Finding the Path to Joy through Energy Balance). This has taught me to look on my emotions as teachers. If I feel unease or discomfort in a situation it is because something in my thinking about that situation is not resonating with Who I Really Am – ie with my inner wise self, or my ‘Highest Self’. This is helping me to explore my ‘shadow’ side, looking at why I felt the need to push myself so hard, to the point where I felt disconnected and anxious and my behaviour started to reflect this in ways that were less than positive! I can now start to look at the fears and needs behind these feelings and then use a variety of methods to support myself, eg making sure I eat healthily and get plenty of rest; recommitting to my meditation practice; using EFT and other relaxation techniques; practising mindfulness and being present in order to connect with my inner wisdom so that I can be coherent and true to myself.
In my work, I have heard so many people say that they feel an overwhelming sense of busy-ness and lack of time for the things they want to do. Many also say they feel that issues around their health often seem to be in the hands of professionals and they feel powerless to effect positive changes for themselves. I too was finding myself getting sucked in to this experience, but it was leaving me very uneasy as it actually goes against what I believe. Thankfully this short dose of enforced rest and re-evaluation has helped me to reconnect with Who I Really Am. I have remembered that I am the only one who can judge what is right for me: I have the power of choice and can choose what I want my life to be like, and how I want to achieve this. For me that means continuing to explore this journey of wellbeing, learning new lessons every day and then sharing these in the hope that they will be meaningful to others on their journeys.
I also believe that my thoughts determine my experience, therefore my sense of ‘struggle’ is unnecessary and probably comes from conditioned beliefs rather than from the situation itself. I would prefer to view Life as an adventure where each new experience is neither ‘good’ nor ‘bad’ but rather holds some valuable teaching to help me along the way.
I’d be really interested to hear your thoughts:
- Have you been experiencing that sense of overwhelm and being caught up on a never-ending cycle of busy-ness?
- Or have you felt that a health issue is taking over some aspect of your life and you are struggling to make any improvement?
- Do you have a related experience that you’d like to share?
Please leave a comment or you can contact me through my website: equenergy.com